2000-12-12 - 986031268

On the internal soundtrack: "Forever Young", Rod Stewart.

We saw my grandfather on Saturday. He is SO MUCH BETTER. God bless Duragesic. Since they are effectively treating his pain, he is much more comfortable, and he is being good about drinking and eating and is quite back to his old self. We had a wonderful conversation with him while we visited.

He also got a surprise visit, while we were there, from the two ladies he often lunches with. It's like a double-date thing with his widowed (widowered?) neighbor across the street. They were impossibly charming women -- I liked them immensely right away. They're sisters-in-law, both widowed, and they had met my grandmother before she died, which I didn't realize.

(One of them was at the funeral, and she said, "You've put on weight since then." I said, "Yes, after I got married I ate a lot of filbert rings."

I was a bit taken aback, since I barely knew this person and here she was commenting on my weight. I wonder if she would have said it if I were overweight? From what I've heard, people have no qualms about doing that. It's appalling. But I digress.)

The other woman there seemed rather devoted to my grandfather, holding his hand and patting it the entire time they were talking. Poindexter and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Was this a potential "new grandmother"? But she kissed Poindexter and me when she left, so my guess is that she's just a very physical person. Alas. I think it would be good for my grandfather to have a steady companion, although it would be difficult for such a companion, knowing he's got terminal cancer. Not to mention he's almost 91 years old. Maybe older folks have a different philosophy about that.

Anyway, the affectionate one was also very expressive and funny. She said she and her sister-in-law were going to some event in Pennsylvania, and that she was going to have to get up at "five-thirty in the MORning". As she said this, she scrunched up her face and pretended to be near tears. I laughed. I'd feel the same way.

I really like old people. I like them a lot. They seem to be so much NICER, somehow, and so charming and polite. Is this a function of being older, or is it related to the time they grew up in, or the social class of their upbringing, or what? Is it because they're retired and don't have to work or commute anymore? Whatever the reason, I find it so pleasant to be around old folks. I can identify with them better than I do with my own generation.

(When they're not valiantly resisting the employment of methods to improve their health and comfort level, that is. ;)

I'd imagine this is because, in general, I try to be nice. I always look for the positive in a person, to the point where I might be blind to genuine asshole-ness. Maybe not blind, but I think it's quite possible that people tend to be nicer to me than they are to others.

Part of this is due to the fact that I can't hear. People have to talk directly to me, and enunciate. When people have to do this, they are under rather direct scrutiny, and they're not likely to say anything mean or nasty. Asshole-ness is sneaky. It's in the sidelines, usually, captured in a comment that is addressed to the group at large and to no one in particular. Comments like those are rarely delivered directly to someone's face, so I don't hear most of them.

Poindexter and I noticed (or rather, Poindexter did) that people in the greater Philly area tend to be extremely sharp and sarcastic. They do it to be funny, I think. People laugh, at any rate.

The annoying thing about this type of humor is that it is not based on truths. Rather, it is based on twisting something someone says into something they didn't mean at all, which is supposed to be funny. Like my aunties, at Thanksgiving, twisting something I said as being a slight against housewives, when it wasn't, and they all know perfectly well I consider being a housewife to be as valid a career as any other.

It's not that I'm not opposed to being made fun of. I find it hysterically funny when people make fun of me by accurately describing some quirk in my personality. Poindexter has reduced me to a laughing puddle on the floor more than once by doing this. Lord knows I have a lot of quirks to make fun of.

Anyway. The thing about this kind of sarcastic attitude is that, while it's amusing in small doses, it can be wearying when there is no respite from it. It doesn't feel good. My cousin Billy, who can be sarcastic with the best of them, went on a business trip to Atlanta and was astonished at how nice everyone was there. He liked it a lot. Along those same lines, Poindexter speculates that I was a pleasant shock for those people in Philly since I'm not generally very sarcastic. I'm not good at it. I like to say nice things to people or gently tease them rather than cut them down. Plus I ask a lot of earnest questions since I am ridiculously curious about everything.

Anyway. To sum up: Old people often seem nicer than younger ones, and niceness is underrated.

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