2003-07-28 - 8:14 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "YMCA"

Tuesday July 22nd

On Sunday we were heading to Poindexter's office for what ended up being an 11-hour overtime day for him (ugh), and a Duck Boat drove by.

I have a special place in my heart for these things, because they are all about unabashed dork-dom. As the article (first link) says, "each patron is given a 'whacky quacker,' a yellow plastic device shaped like a duck bill that sounds like a duck call when blown through. Passengers are encouraged to blow into them hard and often."

At this particular moment, not only was everyone blowing into the quackers, but the radio was blaring "YMCA" and everyone was making the arm movements, a la Darling John. And of course I had to join in as I crossed the street.

And the song's been stuck in my head for three days, but that's okay.

****

Wednesday, July 23rd

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about intuition.

The thing that impresses me the most about what I've read about is this: Intuition is not some magical sixth sense. Intuition is a lightning-fast series of observations and connections that a person makes subconsciously, a reaction of the body and brain to perceived facts, even before we are able to sort those facts in a so-called "logical" manner. Most often, if you listen to intuition, you can then retrace your steps and thoughts and figure out why you got the message that you did, even though you weren't aware of it at the time.

Awhile back, I saw Carolyn Hax recommend Gavin De Becker's The Gift of Fear for the umpteenth time, and so I finally decided to check it out. As it happens, Amazon.com has an excerpt online which hooked me right away, and I got the book out of the library. Now, the book is about intuition about violence, but I have been most interested in intuition in a general kind of way, in the sense of listening to that "little voice" whispering to me. And much of what's in the book applies to intuition in general. Take this, for instance:

...your personal solution to violence ... will come from an even grander resource [than technology or government or experts] that was there all the while, within you. That resource is intuition.

It may be hard to accept its importance, because intuition is usually looked upon by us thoughtful Western beings with contempt. It is often described as emotional, unreasonable, or inexplicable. Husbands chide their wives about "feminine intuition and don't take it seriously. If intuition is used by a woman to explain some choice she made or a concern she can't let go of, men roll their eyes and write it off. We much prefer logic, the grounded explainable, unemotional thought process that ends in a supportable conclusion. In fact, Americans worship logic, even when it's wrong, and deny intuition, even when it's right.

Men, of course, have their own version of intuition, not so light and inconsequential, they tell themselves, as taht feminine stuff. Theirs is more viscerally named a "gut feeling," but it isn't just a feeling. It is a process more extraordinary and ultimately more logical in the natural order than the most fantastic computer calculation. It is our most complex cognitive process and at the same time the simplest.

Intuition connects us to the natural world and to our nature. Freed from the bonds of judgment, married only to perception, it carries us to predictions we will later marvel at. "Somehow I knew," we will say...

I'm a logical person. I like to have solid, fact-based reasons for the decisions that I make. But the problem is, sometimes the best decision isn't fact-based, or I haven't got all the facts sorted in my head yet enough to be able to point to my reasons, but that little voice in my head has almost invariably been right.

What I wonder is, why are we so reluctant to trust intuition? Or if "intuition" is the wrong word, then that "little voice" that is always telling me what my logical brain doesn't want me to hear?

I can think of times in my life when I could've avoided some wasted time by listening to my intuition instead of trying to rationalize it away. My intuition was telling me that my college boyfriend wasn't the right person for me, and I ignored it because I felt like I was being judgemental when he was such a great guy in so many ways. My intuition was telling me "YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THE CITY" while my logical brain kept trying desperately to find ways to make me like the less-expensive suburbs. On a more positive note, my "little voice" was shrieking "You're going to marry him!!" from the very beginning of my relationship with Poindexter -- not something I'd ever heard it say before! -- and it turned out to be absolutely right.

While I still think there's value to being logical and sorting the facts, I'm beginning to realize that it's important to listen to my gut, as well. And to assign a little more weight to my gut than I have in the past.

On the other hand, there have been instances where people say they are listening to their "intuition" when in fact they're doing what they want to do and ignoring their little voice warning them of the consequences.

Maybe the trick is just learning to recognize what's intuition and what isn't. Hm.

*****

Random fluff:

I saw TWO WOMEN today, in their 50s, wearing pigtails in a style kinda like this. Wacky. I'm not even sure I like pigtails on anyone over the age of 10 or so, much less a middle-aged woman, although some really cute girls can pull it off. BTW, while I was looking for that photo, I found this one. CUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!!

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The other day I came across an e-mail I'd written to Poindexter in February 1996, wherein I completely misinterpreted a facial expression he'd had during our first visit together. I was amused by this. I just didn't know his facial expressions well enough then. (I thought it was a "hell yeah" kinda grin when in fact it was actually an embarrassed grin in reaction to a question I'd asked.) So I got to thinking, one of my favorite things about being in a 7.5-year relationship is that I know him well enough to read his facial expressions correctly. We also almost never misinterpret things. We were still having occasional misinterpretations in early 2000 (I remember a specific incident after we moved into our new house) but I can't remember having had one anytime in the last couple of years. I really like knowing a person this well. I thought it might be boring, but it's not.

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Kevin encouraged me to start a photo log. I'm seriously thinking about this. It'd probably end up being pictures of random stuff I see in the city and photos of interesting outfits I see on women. Hm.

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And finally, the tarts.

First I should mention that when I put on a sexy outfit and prance around for my husband, he calls me a "tart". He also calls me "vixen" and "minx". These words all have dreadfully negative connotations in the dictionary, but I can tell from the look in his eyes when he says 'em that he has modified the terms for his own personal meaning, and that he considers "my wife the tart" to be an overwhelmingly positive thing.

Anyway. I also like to make and eat fruit tarts. Here is the patriotic tart I made for tea with my mom and some friends of ours a couple weeks ago:

I sent that to Kit with the subject "Tart Picture", and she responded with some indignation that she was expecting a sexy picture of me, not fruit.

So I sent her this photo, of me in the tarty dress from my MIL, borrowing a chin-to-shoulder pose from one of her old usericons. This met with her approval and an enthusiastic recommendation that I post it, so here it is:

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