2003-07-28 - 8:08 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "YMCA"

July 16th

I think I have asked this before, but my memory sucks so I have to ask it again.

You people who are in "we're in it together" relationships (marriage or the non-state-recognized equivalent):

How do you handle your money?

Do you have "joint" money? Or separate money? Or "his", "hers" and "ours" accounts?

For those of you with separate money: Do you have separate retirement accounts? Do you pay your part of the bills proportional to your share of the income or strictly 50-50? Is this a trust issue? Or is it just a personal issue about money? If it's a personal issue, do you think you COULD do joint money with your SO, it's just that for outside reasons you'd rather not? Do you think you could let your SO support you for an indefinite period while you went to school or just spent some time working on the house?

And for the joint folks: Did you find it difficult to move to joint money or did it just happen naturally? Do you have to "ask" to spend money? What kind of conflicts do you encounter due to differing desires on how that money should be spent?

Rambling highly encouraged. Those of you not currently in this type of relationship, please tell me what you expect you'll do when you get into one (assuming you want to at some point).

We do the "joint" thing. We share everything that is in our heads, so it is a natural extension of that to share money, too. I've heard of people who say that purchases over $X must be discussed, but we've never really needed to do that. I think because neither of us is real big on shopping (especially Poindexter the shut-in), and if I go on a $300 impulse clothes-buying spree, I can always return it.

We're in a convenient position of both having a good sense of balance between what we want and what we can afford, so we never argue over how money's being spent. Ever. For bigger purchases, we talk about what is the best use for that money at this time, and we talk about all the angles and hash it out, and since we're both big fans of logic, we end up doing the logical thing with that money.

For a while last fall, I was the sole source of income (aside from Poindexter's UI) when he was laid off from his job. He took over a lot of my chores and did a LOT of projects around the house, not to mention he did all the work packing when he found the job in Philly and we moved. Since he was more than pulling his weight around the house, the idea that he was spending "my money" never crossed my mind and is hard for me to comprehend. And I think he was comfortable with it for the same reason, and also because we make decisions based on what is best for us AS A COUPLE, and if that best decision involved me supporting both of us for a few months, then it was all good.

July 17th

A few of the discussion tangents in yesterday's money post triggered a memory of something abz6598 had written awhile back. I found it here, and it's plenty interesting, including the comments.

Poindexter is also of the opinion that attitudes about money reflect the level of trust in a marriage, that separate bank accounts can indicate "separate lives" to an extent. He thinks that the whole point of marriage is a partnership. (It's also somewhat socialistic, but since it's only two people and you get to pick your socialist partner, you can weed out the free-riders and have some control over things.)

I'm still not sure. As the comments to my post indicated, there are good reasons to keep finances separate, and trust isn't one of them. I think sometimes people can have a personal need for having their own money (based on upbringing or whatever) that doesn't reflect on their trust in their partner.

But I do agree wholeheartedly with John that arguments about money are probably rarely about money itself. If two people are logical and both have each other's best interests and the best interest of the couple in mind, then they're going to DISCUSS money, not argue about it.

****

EVELYNNE'S RULES

Things to keep in mind when reading/commenting in my journal:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "TOO MUCH INFORMATION".

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "OFF-TOPIC". WE LIKE TANGENTS.

PROTRACTED RAMBLING IS *HIGHLY* ENCOURAGED.

New rules will be added as circumstances arise.

July 18th

So, Poindexter has an appointment across town just before dinnertime, so I suggested that I meet him with a picnic blanket and hoagies, and we have a picnic in the park, under a shady tree, and do some people-watching. The weather's supposed to be nice, in the low 80s and not too humid.

Does this sound like fun to you?

Explanation via heated IM conversation:

evelynne: We'll probably just get hoagies. I wanted to eat them as a picnic in the park but he tells me HE DOESN"T LIKE PICNICKING
evelynne: He says he can't eat without a table without making a mess of himself.
evelynne: Dammit!
partywhipple: I agree with him, picnicing is annoying. Ants and bugs and no table to put my plate on! No thank you!
evelynne: *EXASPERATED SIGH*
partywhipple: Awww
partywhipple: *hugs*
evelynne: FINE! I'LL HAVE A PICNIC IN THE PARK ALL BY MY DAMN SELF!
evelynne: Well. Poll time!
partywhipple: LOL Have fun picnicing alone, loser!!!! :P
evelynne: :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
evelynne: :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
partywhipple: hee hee
evelynne: I won't be alone for long!
evelynne: Somebody'll notice my perky boobies and ask "Hey, little lady, why are you picnicing all alone?"
evelynne: ANd I'll say, "Because my husband and my friend DONT LIKE PICNICKING"
partywhipple: And he'll say "Neither do I!! HA HA HA HA!! Nice boobies, by the way."
evelynne: AAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!
evelynne: YOU ARE EVIL!!!!!
evelynne: LOLLLLLLL!

Saturday, July 19th

Today we spent almost 6 hours in the truck so that we could spend 4 hours riding our dirt bikes.

Much to my surprise, since I hate long drives, it was completely worth it.

It was a really nice day trip. It helps that the route is very pretty, with lots of farms and old farm houses -- I must've seen 50 silos and we saw black&white cows and brown cows and white cows. I was trying to remember how the hell the corn gets into the silos, envisioning them opening up the top and throwing it in somehow, and Poindexter clued me in: Conveyors.

Part of the route runs through Lebanon, PA, which probably used to be a thriving town/small city and is now more or less deserted. But it hasn't deteriorated too badly yet so it's still very pretty to look at, if you like the whole row-house thing as I do.

I took bunches of pictures with a disposable camera of various points on the dirt bike riding. I'll get those developed soon and I'll finally get to show portia and ansley some abandoned mining machines and buildings.

On the way back, we stopped at a rest stop and chatted a little bit with a guy who had an old Vincent motorcycle that was about 50 years old, maybe more. It was cool. I asked him if he had any routes through Lancaster that he recommended, and he said, "The best roads are always by the rivers. It used to be that the rivers were the main transportation routes, so there's lots of old houses, and of course it's always a winding road." I can't believe this didn't occur to me sooner.

In other news, this morning I went outside to water my plants, and my path to the hose was blocked by a HUGE spider web, with a reddish striped spider sitting in the middle. It was over a foot in diameter. I got the spray bottle to mist the web so I could see exactly how big it was.

I'll tell ya, it just about killed me to have to break that thing. The poor spider spent all that time building this beautiful web, and I destroyed it. :( Poindexter said, "Don't worry, spiders are patient." But still. Poor little guy. The one thing that alleviates the guilt is knowing that a thunderstorm woulda done the same thing.

previous index next