2003-05-01 - 8:53 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: The jingle from the Nextel commercial with the pink "BOYCRAZY" VW bug in it. STILL.

Necessary background for later:

(Much to my surprise, I don't believe I've ever mentioned this before in the journal, but it's a family joke at this point.)

Since I started eating healthier food, I found that sometimes I don't eat enough during the day. Growing up everything I ate was full of fat and protein, but now I eat a lot more vegetables and we mostly eat skinless chicken breasts. So I am hungry a lot more often.

So, sometimes if I don't eat enough during the day, I'll wake up in the middle of the night with my stomach growling. I used to eat granola bars, but then I'd have to brush my teeth, plus they're really too sugary. So now if this happens (and happily, it hasn't for months), I swallow a spoonful of peanut butter (washed down with water) and that usually shuts my stomach up until morning. I chose peanut butter because it has protein and fat and doesn't make my blood sugar spike so I'm up again in an hour.

Last night as I got into bed:

Evelynne: Why do anorexics take Ex-Lax?
Poindexter: [laughs]
Evelynne: It's a serious question.
Poindexter: [laughs some more]
Evelynne: Is it because it keeps their food from being absorbed?
Poindexter: [dries eyes] It speeds up their digestion so the food goes right out of 'em.
Evelynne: That's what I said. [pause] Where did that question come from? I can't remember what train of thought led to it. Just one of those weird thoughts that cross my mind, I guess.
Poindexter: Ohhhhh, yeeeeeah. [said in a tone of "nothing new about that"]
Evelynne: HEY! Nothing wrong with that!
Poindexter: Mmm hmmm...
Evelynne: Everybody thinks weird thoughts. The only difference between me and other people is that I'm not AFRAID to SAY what's in my head.

This conversation reminded Poindexter of an ad he heard on TV while he was doing something else. It was about a study of eating disorders at Penn State. They were looking for both overweight and not-overweight people. What caught his attention was the snippet:

"...do you find yourself eating peanut butter in the middle of the night?"

Peanut butter? I need to see if I can make a few extra bucks.

So, the other day I was in the Wawa getting ham for my husband, Poin "I am NOT a SHUT-in!" Dexter. He was at home cooking us dinner.

I had the ham in one hand, purse/backpack resting on my forearm, and stuck my order slip for the ham between my teeth so I could get a bill out of my wallet and be ready to pay when I got to the register. (Note how considerate I am of the other customers.)

I asked the guy standing there, "Are you in line?" The guy was about my age, crew cut, cute but not my type, and wearing a t-shirt with an American flag on it.

He said not yet, so I got in front of him and began digging in the purse. He reached out and picked the slip from between my teeth. Startled at this display of familiarity, I said, "Thank you."

Next he said something I didn't hear, so I turned and said, "I'm sorry?" And he laughed, and reached out and gave my neck/shoulders a friendly squeeze through my hair.

At this point two thoughts ran through my head:

1. He's touching me.
2. I don't seem to mind.

I explained I had trouble hearing, and he said something about not getting a hot dog. Then he said, "I'm just gonna keep drinkin' instead."

Ok, so THAT explains the over-familiarity. He was drunk. But it got me to thinking. I was startled only because I'm not used to being touched by strangers, except the occasional older person who might pat my arm.

Other than that, I wasn't upset at being touched because a) He was attractive and the touch was affectionate (something my cousin Billy does to me all the time when he thinks I'm being cute), and b) I'm a fairly tactile person, I think.

When I'm walking with a male member of my family, I almost always take their arm. I sit squished next to family members on couches. In case you didn't notice at the party, I am touching Poindexter ALL the time. I am also prone to spontaneous hugs, not just when I'm saying hello or goodbye. When I'm happy to be around a person, I hug them.

When I was in college, and single, I guess I was missing out on the tactile stuff, 'cause I hugged other people so much they called me "Barnacle" for a while. My college roommate was even more tactile than me, and she'd sit and run her fingers over my arm because she liked to feel the texture of it.

Now that I'm married, having Poindexter around seems to take care of most of my daily hug quota. But I still occasionally feel the urge to hug people when I'm happy, and sometimes I hold back because I'm not sure how much hugging they want from me. (Although at this point I am fairly certain that I cannot offend Mark by hugging him too much. He seems like a huggy guy.)

Basically, I am less affectionate that I might like to be for fear that other people don't want me touching them. Kind of a shame. Maybe I should just see if they complain, instead. But I knew a girl in college who was not at all used to being touched, and would recoil from people who did it. I can understand not wanting to be touched -- mainly from being required to hug creepy old relatives when I was a small child -- so I'm reluctant to initiate hugs except at the appropriate times.

I'm getting a lot of mileage out of this one photo session. Here we have "Evelynne Stirs Water Into Her Leftover Rice":

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