2002-03-09 - 10:19 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "Wish", Nine Inch Nails. Because it's playing on the television. Poindexter's ROCKIN'.

I've come to the distressing realization that there are no Safeways in Philadelphia.

They do have Genuardi's nearby, which was apparently acquired by Safeway, but do they carry Safeway Select products?

After seven years of my adult life in Northern Virginia and Northern California, which have a Safeway every mile or so, I've become quite dependent on Safeway brand products, particularly Safeway Select. We use, among other things:

olive oil
all vinegars (white wine, red wine, balsamic, rice)
frozen empanadas
dried pastas
three-berry flavored cream cheese
milk (Lucerne)
peppermint tea
jam

Now, I'm a cheapskate, and will often use store brands, but the thing about Safeway Select is that it's actually GOOD. In many cases I like it BETTER than name brands.

My mother adores Safeway Select plum jam, which she discovered through me, and she asked me on the phone the other night to please buy her "seven or eight" jars of it and bring it up because she can't get it up there.

In this week's Star magazine (with Rosie O'Donnell on the cover), they show Joan Collins looking glamorous, having breakfast on her deck. Guess what's on the table? Safeway Select Raspberry Jam. For a celebrity photo shoot!

Wait! Hooray!!!!!!!!! A Google search informs me that Genuardi's does, in fact, carry Safeway Select products! Not all of them yet, but perhaps in a little while. Meantime, I can stock up on essentials when I come down to the Virginia office.

So, emotionally I am on a bit of a rollercoaster these days.

Sometimes I'm all excited, as in when I find out that there are 90 restaurants within a quarter mile of my new abode. Or when Poindexter and I talk about how much fun we're going to have and how short his commute will be. Poindexter lived in Portland for a while in a similar location and he loved it.

Other times I get really mopey, such as the other day at the office when I was too tired and started bawling in the middle of my lunch because I was upset about leaving. I sat in my boss's office (he's in France) and cried after I fed his fish for him. IMs and webcams plus visits once a month just isn't going to be the same. My coworkers are like a second family.

Sometimes, usually at night, I am downright terrified and wonder what the hell I'm doing.

Sigh. This is normal, I suppose. The weird thing is that most of the time I feel like I'm going someplace completely new, which is not true. A lot of this is going to feel like coming home. Going to Phillies games, trips to the Franklin Institute, shopping at Wanamaker's and The Gallery will all feel really familiar. My immediate neighborhood is going to be new, but my whole family is up there within an hour's drive.

The one weird thing is that I seem to have no qualms about leaving this house. Maybe that will hit me later. Or maybe I never really got attached to it, for some reason. I appreciate a great deal about it but I never really fell in love with it, I don't think. Maybe new houses don't do it for me.

Hm, I'm feeling pretty sad right now. Not sure what about. I think I'm just upset that my nest has been completely disrupted.

Well, the packing is progressing. My clothes are packed. Poindexter has packed most of the kitchen. We're doing better than I actually expected. Poindexter's really good at packing, and I seem to be holding it together a bit better than I was expecting.

See, I hate packing. I hate it with every fiber of my being. So it's really difficult for me to do it without getting into a very bad mood. I'm feeling REALLY lucky to have husband like Poindexter, who just sees packing as a job that needs to be done. Plus, he says, "the thing that annoys me the most is that I don't have my stuff. If I want to sit down and relax for a while, I don't have my stuff to sit on and play with, so I might as well just get back to packing."

We are getting rid of a LOT of stuff. Donating. All that old, chipped, crappy furniture that we've been lugging around since our single days is gone.

It's hard for me to get rid of this stuff. Sure, it's chipped and ugly, but it's still USEFUL! The bookshelf still does its job -- holding books -- just fine, y'know! I don't know where I get this attitude from. Most folks are always ready to buy something new just 'cause they like it, but I have a hard time getting rid of something that still WORKS, even if I hate looking at it.

Someday I will learn to give myself permission to get rid of things simply because I don't LIKE them, and buy replacements because I DO.

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