2002-02-24 - 11:07 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "Fat-Bottomed Girls", Queen

If I were a stripper, I would develop some kick-ass routines to the following songs:

"Fat-Bottomed Girls", Queen
"Closer", Nine Inch Nails (although that might be a little too much)
"The Family and the Fishing Net", as covered by Primus

That's all I can think of, offhand, but I've been mentally filing (and misplacing apparently) my list of stripper songs for quite some time now, since I was in college and went to Camelot in the District a couple times with some guy friends.

It's not that I aspire to be a stripper, exactly, but if I were ever really strapped for cash it's probably something I'd try. Well, I'm probably too old now, so if I were still in my mid-20s and trying to put myself through school or something, I might try it.

I'd have to practice a lot at the whole shimmying thing. I can't undulate my tummy. Believe me, I've tried. Poindexter just laughs.

I have all these ideas on what I would do in order to be good at it. I know I can shut off my nervousness and perform, after twelve years of playing piano in front of people. I know that I'd be willing to work out and learning dancing moves if it would help me make more money. I've watched to see which dancers make the most tips, and it's almost invariably the ones who make eye contact, smile, and tease the most. I can't figure out why more dancers don't do that.

It's possible, I suppose, that most of the people who have the social skills and attentiveness to be good at stripping are off using those skills to do something else.

Why does stripping seem to burn people out so quickly? Maybe it has something to do with the way you're treated by customers? Or by your bosses? I don't know. At the places I went to, the customers were mostly pretty pathetic. Standing there with their mouths hanging open. The dancers were in control of everything, if they chose to be.

A friend of a friend who manages at a strip club says that everybody's stoned or drunk all the time. That makes it sound like they're uncomfortable with what they're doing. That bothers me. Way I see it, there's a market for stripping, and we might as well take advantage of it. Women shouldn't feel bad for doing it. It's a kind of performing, and they should take pride in doing it well.

I suppose it could be difficult to take pride in something that so many people denounce as immoral or whatever. For godsakes. Society is just so anal sometimes.

Um, I think this section might be TMI. Not sure. If you don't want to know the first thing about what kinds of underwear I own, skip it.

So yesterday I was out cruising the spring sales and wound up in Victoria's Secret, wherein I bought myself some "butt floss", as my MIL calls it.

*PERIWINKLE* BUTT FLOSS!!!!

Not a thong, but a "V-string". Like a "G-string", I guess, but more sophisticated since they're made by VS.

I have a few thongs, and I wear them with pants where I have to worry about freakin' panty lines, but I hate them. Might as well just give myself a wedgie and be done with it. But these V-strings, now, they're actually pretty comfortable! I was amazed.

I tried them on and complained to Poindexter that they come up too high on my hips, so you can see the waist straps. "If I'm wearing my new low-cut jeans, you're gonna be able to see the damn straps! I guess I can push them down a bit."

"No," says Poindexter, "You can just let them show. That's what Britney does."

He said this perfectly deadpan, as though Britney Spears is a friend of ours whose advice we occasionally solicit. Then he got carried away wondering aloud if Britney doesn't even wear underwear most of the time. Men.

My work week is starting up again, and it's going to be hell again. Joy. I'll see if I can do a few 20-minute entries or something, but I won't make any promises.

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