2002-01-09 - 11:32 a.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "Blue Bayou", Linda Ronstadt

This is a twofer. The previous entry was also just posted.

Before I get started on my sex rant, I have to tell you about a new journaler (well, new to me) I'm addicted to.

Poindexter was called about a possible job opportunity in Jersey City. So he asked me if I thought Jersey City would be a good place for us to live.

"Of course it is. Bret Schundler was the mayor."

Seriously, though, I decided to go have a look and from what I can tell it looks interesting enough that he should go ahead and pursue the job lead. Looks like a fairly dense inner suburb, and it's practically spitting distance from Manhattan, which makes me hungry just thinking about it.

While I was looking, I searched on diarist.net for journalers in Jersey City, and happened across hayllar.com. And what do I find, but a chick who goes through hell digging in her garden, writes entries about leg-waxing, has wacky conversations with her husband that I could have had with mine, is disgusted with the subscription replacement for Mode magazine, and wonders about bridge construction when she's stuck on one in traffic. The similarities are just freaky!

If I were a better writer, and funnier, maybe I would be Sarah Hayllar.

(Aside to you-know-who-you-are: Not that I'm saying I suck completely! It's just that there are better, funnier writers than me and Sarah is one of them! I'm comfortable with that! My self-esteem is intact! And you're biased because you like me, anyway! ;)

Most of the time she's hysterically funny. But her entries about September 11th were serious and very moving without being sappy. Check those out too.

If you like me you probably ought to like her. Go read.

Back to sex.

Here's something I don't get: Why is it that, sometimes, the same people who are incredibly bashful about their bodies and keep them covered up all the time will nonetheless jump into bed and have sex with someone they barely know?

So that crossed my mind, and also I got to thinking about teenage boys. Teenage boys make me completely crazy because their whole focus is sex, and they're so damn DESPERATE for it. I thought about sex a lot when I was a teenager, but getting some was not the driving force in my life.

(Obligatory disclaimer: Not all teenage boys are like this. I mean, "many" teenage boys, possibly "most". And even the most sex-crazed teenage boy can be quite brilliant and have many other wonderful qualities.)

About 75% of me feels sorry for these teenage boys, since it's mainly hormone-driven, and 25% of me is just disgusted with the desperation and lack of imagination in trying to achieve their goal.

A few comments, putting aside the whole question of whether teenage boys running around having sex willy-nilly is a good idea in the first place:

Prostitution should be legal. Teenage boys need an outlet, and teenage girls need a break from all the desperate begging. Mutually agreeable exchange of money for sex in a comfortable, legal environment seems to be just the ticket. Especially since teenage boys are often only concerned with, basically, insertion, completion, and removal rather than an encompassing experience. I'd imagine, if I were a prostitute, the quicker it was over with, the happier I'd be.

Second, if you REALLY want a girl to have sex with you, DO NOT BEG. This is a complete turnoff and lowers your chances of getting laid. Pathetic desperation is not attractive. Go find a girl who's willing. Good grief. There are plenty of them, from what I've heard. Try an older one with experience who thinks the idea of deflowering a teenage boy is fun. (Do not ask your teacher, though.)

ESPECIALLY: If you're in high school and she's a virgin with religious reasons for keeping her virginity, just forget it. Find someone else. It's not gonna happen, and if it does, she'll be so wracked with guilt you'll just end up begging to have it again. Besides, if you're an end-oriented teenage boy, you'll suck at it and she won't have much reason to do it again anyway. Find a girl who's comfortable with the idea of having sex and will tell you how to do it properly.

In college or beyond, though, if it's one virgin girl in particular you're dying to have sex with, and she's waiting for the right guy, you have a chance. In that case, find out what foreplay sends her to the moon, and make her wild with desire, and don't say one fucking word about "when are we gonna have sex?" If you can be patient, eventually she'll drag you out to go birth control shopping. I can't believe how many boys just badger a girl for sex and don't even bother to work on finding out what floats her boat. Good grief. A woman you have to peel off the ceiling during foreplay is one who's far more likely to run out and buy the condoms before you do.

If you can't be patient, go find an experienced woman who's up for it. For pete's sake.

Listen to me, don't I sound worldly? My own experience is, in fact, quite limited. My high school boyfriend was a beggar, and ... my goodness, apparently I have a little bit of repressed anger about it. ;) To this day he remembers me as a complete and total prude. (He seems to confuse "prude" with "unwilling to take on the emotional and physical risks associated with sexual intercourse at the age of seventeen, not to mention you can't find us a private comfortable place for it at your boarding school anyway.")

Besides, I'm guilty of begging, myself. When I was in second grade, I constantly asked my boyfriend, "When are you going to kiss me?" When he finally did, some kid down the hall made "woo-woo" noises. When I grew older I learned to take the initiative. It's a damn good thing, too, because if I hadn't kissed Poindexter first we probably wouldn't be married today.

On the other hand, Howard Stern says begging worked for him -- eventually he wore the girl down and she said yes. So what do I know. Well, I do know this: If you beg me, it'll NEVER happen.

Hm. I think probably what I hate most is not the desperation, exactly. That's okay. The problem is when girls become a means to an end. I can't stand the idea having sex with someone to whom I'm interchangeable. Yuck. I wouldn't care if he wasn't in love with me, that's all right, but it had better be ME he's burning with lust for, not merely the nearest available girl.

And I don't like tallying. I can understand promiscuity -- there's lots of attractive people out there -- but doing it ONLY for the sake of ratcheting up the number of women or the number of times you have sex makes me sick. In college I knew of (they were not my friends) a group of guys who made a bet about who could sleep with the ugliest girl. Assholes.

Hopefully, however, I will never have to worry about this again myself for the rest of my life. There are definitely advantages to long-term, monogamous marriage. I'll list a few:

- Your partner's always right there. No wandering out to stinky bars to meet people.
-Your partner knows what works and won't get your preferences mixed up with his other girlfriend's
- No worrying about diseases
- You're can be confident in knowing your partner thinks you're sexy as hell, or presumably he wouldn't have married you
-No worries about getting "caught" by authority figures
- If you get pregnant, your parents won't kill you
- Your partner might even have sex with you if you haven't shaved your legs in a week

I think "knows what works" is probably, for me personally, the most compelling reason for long-term monogamy. Yessirree, bob. Woo!

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