2002-01-09 - 11:31 a.m.

On the internal soundtrack: Theme from "The Sopranos"

This past weekend, my parents and brother came down to celebrate Christmas, again. We didn't want to lug all those gifts down to Florida (some of them were quite large), so we decided to have two Christmases.

Did I ever tell you about my tree?

I didn't, did I! Damn, what have I been writing about?!

The Friday after we got back from Florida, December 28th, I took the day off, and we went looking for a Christmas tree. Poindexter figured there were no more live trees to be had, but I insisted on at least checking Home Depot.

We went there. Nothing. There were some pathetic trees with a root ball, but we weren't prepared to deal with that and have no place to plant it anyway.

So Poindexter suggested going to KMart to buy a fake tree, but voiced concern about going through the "horrible intersection", as we call it, which backs up for a mile most afternoons. So I said, "How 'bout Wal-Mart?"

"Good idea!" he said. "We can pick up some buwwets and buy the tree at the sporting goods section so we don't have to stand in line." (He always says "buwwets", as though he is Elmer Fudd.)

So we headed toward Wal-Mart, and I was just about to ask Poindexter if we can just go off-route a bit to a nursery I know of, when we happened past one of those empty lots that is turned into a Christmas tree store in December.

The lot was devoid of trees, but everything else was intact -- ropes, decorations, tables, strings of lights, etc. Then in the back I spotted something.

A construction dumpster.

Filled with Christmas trees.

"HEY! HEY! There's trees in there!" I yelled. "Turn around! Go back! We can get a tree for free!"

Poindexter looked at me, turned onto a side street, turned around. At the light waiting to turn left to go back, he said, "This is it, you know. If we go get a tree out of that dumpster, that's it. We're not going to go looking for another tree if this doesn't work out."

I said, "Well, let's go look." So we did. I climbed up the ladder on the side of the dumpster and looked at the trees. Poindexter remained on the ground and watched me with amusement.

"Well?" he said. "If you see a tree you want, I'll get it down for you."

There was one right there on top that was small but very green. "That one," I pointed. He climbed up and rolled the tree over to the edge and pushed it over onto the ground. Then he put it in the back of the pickup, and we went home.

There were the usual trials and tribulations getting it into the stand, and it leans, but considering it came out of a dumpster I think we got a damn good Christmas tree. See for yourself:

That's Poindexter, in his Santa hat, attending to a derailment on the morning of Christmas, Part Two. We have a railroad set we got from my grandfather -- he used to work for a railroad back when they had passenger service other than Amtrak.

If you look closely, you can see Opus nestled in some greens on top of the curio, and on the left is the remote-controlled Gift-Delivering Santa (he has a tray on top of his head). Note also the troll on top the tree. He looks like this up close:

The first year we had a tree together, we had no star, and no angel, and the troll (who wears a San Francisco Giants shirt) has a convenient elastic string around his neck that allows him to be attached upright on a vertical branch. So we used the troll, with his orange hair sticking straight up, and have continued to do so. People keep threatening to buy us a star or angel but we don't want one.

Here is a closeup of the train. It goes around the poinsettias and behind the curio:

Note also the three aliens (from "Toy Story") in the one car. That was a present from my parents in Florida because I am just crazy about those aliens ("He has been chooosen!"). In order to get the aliens they had to buy a whole set, so I also have Buzz Lightyear and Evil Zurg. I use those as ornaments. Too cool.

In that photo, the Three Wise Men are on day five of their journey across the living room to pay homage to the Baby Jesus.

Here's a close up of the aliens. They each have a different expression. They're holding the stamp that came with the check for my gift subscription to Star Magazine:

So, we celebrated Christmas, Part Two on Sunday morning (January 6th, the Thirteenth Day of Christmas).

The Gift-Delivering Santa was a hit. My parents didn't know what it was. We just handed the remote to my dad and told him to "press the up arrow". Poindexter says his first reaction was just genuine surprise, that the Santa was moving. Then he laughed. And laughed some more. It's a pretty goofy present, which was the point. But it worked really well.

It was mainly for my dad, but I think I should have gotten it for my brother instead, because he had the most fun with it. He spent the morning making Santa walk into people's legs. When he did it to me, I yelled, "Help! Santa's attacking me!" So my brother calls it "Psycho Santa".

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