2000-08-01 - 7pm

On the internal soundtrack: "Depuis Toujours", Francis Cabrel's (see previous entry) version of Otis Reddings "I've Been Loving You Too Long".

I wonder if someday I will look back and read this journal and find that I bore myself to tears. It might be more interesting if I didn't worry about someone finding it and causing trouble for someone I talk about, but on the other hand, if I didn't have this vague vain (in the sense that I think anyone will read this, not the "futile" sense) hope for readers, it probably wouldn't get written.

WHAT'S UP

Oooo, guess what? Brother Dear took us out to dinner on Saturday. I was so happy. We went to Landini Brothers in Old Town and had some damn good Italian food. Poindexter had some incredible veal piccata, and I had veal tortellini in cream sauce. It was disgustingly rich but soooo good. Thanks to BD!

Had my first "shower nightmare" last night. I should have expected this. I dreamt that I didn't have anything ready -- the favors, the album, the food, nothing. Woke me up with a start at 6:40 and I never did fall back asleep.

Dreams aside, I'm making progress on the shower favors. I keep getting Crazy Glue on my fingers, which makes me crazy. Uh... it irritates me, I mean. I've made 15 of them and haven't figured out how to avoid it yet. My mother has generously offered to take care of ordering the rolls and deli meats and hitting her sisters up for side dishes and snacks. I don't know what I'd do without her. And she tells *me* I'm "quite the organizer".

Poindexter has to work this weekend so isn't coming to NJ for the shower. I'm taking the train! I figured out a good way to carry the favors and everything else should fit in my backpack. Good thing I don't require 15 pairs of shoes for a weekend trip. All I really need to pack is something to wear to the shower. And clean undies, of course.

Today I ate my first Big Mac. Imagine that. Usually I get the All American Cheeseburger meal (does anyone besides me even know that exists?), but I decided to be daring and try a Big Mac. I liked it. The special sauce makes it extra ... special.

One of my coworkers is taking a whole month off. I'm so jealous. I've probably taken more unpaid leave so far this year than she plans to in the next month, but I spent it all burping babies and going to funerals. I wouldn't have chosen to spend that unpaid leave any other way (the babies were fun; the funerals were important to me), but I still salivate at the very idea of a month off with no responsibilities other than day-to-day house maintenance. If Poindexter changes jobs before our fantasy move to Philly, I'm going to lobby hard for a break like that. At least a couple of weeks. I like visiting our families, but I also wish we had more time just for the two of us.

Poindexter's on the other end of the couch with messy hair, lookin' gooooooooood. Mmm hmmm!

RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT UGLINESS, LOOKS, AND PRESUMPTUOUSNESS

So, the other day as we were turning the corner, I saw a couple who were, ahem, not exactly movie-star material. They looked sloppy and were very ugly. Now, I try very, very hard to be look for the good in people, and if I sat down with these people for five minutes I'd probably find many good qualities and they'd start to look more attractive to me. But just passing them on the street, my evil side took one look and thought, was "Boy, are they ugly."

The thing is, they were holding hands. Lots of couples their age (they looked to be in their 40s) don't bother to do that anymore, but they were. I started imagining them at home, snuggling on the couch and smooching hello after work. I mentioned this to Poindexter and he said, "It's like Mother always says, 'There's someone for everyone.'"

It got me to thinking about how relative the term "ugly" is. I bet if you stuck me next to Johnny Depp, I'd look hideous and everyone would say "Good lord, what does he see in HER?" And then here's this couple, whom I found ugly, holding hands walking down the street. They found each other and like each other enough to hold hands. Most likely, they turn each other on. I doubt they find each other ugly. Johnny Depp might find me ugly, but Poindexter sure doesn't.

Have you ever met a person that you wouldn't look twice at on the street, and then as you got to know them they became good-looking, or even beautiful? Or a person who seems to be drop-dead gorgeous becomes more and more plain and annoying as you talk to them? This happens to me a lot. I've learned not to trust my first impressions of people's looks. The ones I think are good looking turn out to be jerks or psychos, and the plain ones turn out to be fascinating people and eventually may even be wildly attractive to me. Poindexter is actually the exception to this little rule -- I thought he was gorgeous right away, which should have made him an asshole, but he ended up being a fabulous person as well.

There have been "studies" of how people usually end up paired with a person who is about their "equal" looks-wise. Couples like, say, any random rock star/model combination are an anomaly.

Once in college there was a guy who had a really bad crush on me. I was quite flattered by it, and thought he was a nice guy, but the sparks weren't there for me. However, he was quite certain he was perfect for me, and would often say, "When you break up with your boyfriend," (WHEN, mind you) "I'll be there." This kind of presumptuousness (that he was better for me than the boyfriend was) completely turned me off. (I've since learned that it's a fairly typical male thought process, but I digress.) At graduation I discovered he'd been dating, fairly seriously, a girl whom I knew slightly. I commented on it, and he said, and this is almost a direct quote, "She's a nice girl, but she's no Evelynne."

My god, if I were the girl and heard he said that, I'd drop him on the spot. It was the most insulting thing I'd ever heard.

Hm. I should take a poll, once I get some readers. "Rate Evie's looks: Gorgeous, Eh, Fugly." Have to figure out how to upload pictures onto Diaryland first..

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