2001-01-26 - 3:40pm

Who's Who Cheat Sheet
Who I Read

On the internal soundtrack: "Her Majesty", Beatles

So, all you mothers, sisters, female friends of boy children out there, do me a favor. If the boy in your life is not a budding little orator on his own, please teach him, early and often, how to be socially ept.

Let me explain.

I'm at home today, waiting for the worker people to come and do more work on the house. One of the problems is a GFI outlet that quit working immediately after someone fixed it. I'm expecting the electrical guy first. The doorbell rings, I open it, and the young man (early 20s, I presume) at the door says:

"Hi. [mumble mumble] GFI."

What is this?

What happened to, "Hello, my name is John Smith, I'm with The Electric Company and I'm here to fix the GFI problem your husband mentioned on the phone?"

Later on, when he wanted me to sign the sheet to say the work was done, he said,

"Mumble mumble" [makes signing motion on paper]

I know that boys are either not genetically predisposed and/or are not socialized to be friendly and talkative, but this is ridiculous. It could be a matter of shyness in this particular guy's case, but this is BUSINESS. We're not trying to make friends. He can rehearse the lines beforehand.

So, ladies, you'll be doing the shy boys in your life a huge favor if you practice this sort of thing with them now and then. Roleplaying, whatever. Get the kid used to speaking clearly and making friendly remarks in social situations. He can practice on his grandparents, the neighbors, whatever -- people who are likely to be tickled pink by the process.

You could accuse me of being sexist, but I've noticed this same phenomenon when I interviewed people for my company. We interview mostly math majors, so we're getting a lot of antisocial geeks in the first place. But almost invariably, the young women we interview are far more articulate than the guys are. The guys mumble, look at the table, answer in monosyllables, etc.

I remember once we had a guy who was absolutely fantastic -- enthusiastic, talkative, articulate, etc. I mentioned it to Megan after the interview, what a refreshing change he was, and she said, "Well, I'm pretty sure he was gay." Head smack. I was so excited to find a guy who wasn't socially inept that I didn't notice.

However, a guy really needn't be gay to have these skills. I firmly believe they can be learned. I thank my lucky stars every day that my husband was raised by a talkative, outgoing woman and was taught and/or picked up the necessary skills. He has no problem presenting himself as a fluent speaker of the English language.

On a vaguely related tangent:

Politeness and manners are really underrated, I think. I can understand that sometimes politeness can feel "fake", but as I get older, or as the world gets ruder, I'm finding that I really appreciate politeness. It's one of the reasons I like older folks so much -- they have all the little rituals down pat and they're extremely pleasant to be around.

The other nice thing about politeness is that if you're shy, you have certain stock phrases that you can use. You don't have to think up your own stuff to say. "Thank you very much", "Excuse me", "Horrible weather we've been having, isn't it?", "Very nice to meet you", etc.

Once in a grocery store, I was standing next to my cart looking at some cans. A boy about 10 or 12 came up behind me, said "Excuse me, may I...", went in front of me to get the can he needed, said, "Thank you", and ran off. I was shocked. I'd never met such a polite kid in my life. We definitely need more of those. Polite grownups, too.

Well, I'm in trouble. I just discovered Larry Elders' web site. I saw him on The O'Reilly factor a while back and heard he was a libertarian and had a book out. That's all I needed to hear. I've got a hold on the book at the library -- there are five copies and all of them are out.

On the web site, he's got a bunch of articles on it (some written by him, some by others), and of course I have to read them all. I keep telling myself I'm going to wean myself off the web some and then this happens.

I did find one piece he wrote with a few sentences that explain libertarianism in a nutshell (although it could go into a little more detail about what "stay out of my wallet" means):

"A libertarian, I explain, believes in limited government that stays out of my wallet, as well as my bedroom. For example, I am pro-choice, believe that gays should be able to serve openly in the military, and that the state ought not stop homosexuals from marrying. I find the war on drugs foolish, and support the legalization of gambling and prostitution."

That sounds about right.

Sigh. So, the floor guy arrived, and wants to know why the toilet and sink haven't been removed from the powder room. He calls his company, who apparently forgot to call the builder to arrange for the plumber to take care of this. Today there is no such plumber available. So I will be stuck at home another day.

The good news is, the unpleasant Bob supervisor guy I complained about earlier is away on vacation. Subbing for him is an extremely pleasant man named Jeff. We all like Jeff, apparently, including the coordinator woman at the builder's office. Poindexter said from the context in which she said she liked Jeff, she implied she didn't like Bob either.

Nobody likes Bob. Why does he have the job, and not Jeff? Hm?

Grammar question: What does "infer" mean?

I always understood it as follows: "By saying 'Bob sucks', I implied that I didn't like Bob. When I said, 'Bob sucks', you inferred I didn't like him."

But recently in some articles I've read I've been seeing the word "infer" in the "imply" spot. Not only that, but the dictionary's first definition of "infer" is "to derive as a conclusion", and the fourth definition is "to suggest, hint".

Now, I'm all for evolving language and changing meanings over time, but this is silly. It's like saying that "give" and "receive" can both be used to describe the "give" concept.

I'll stick to I imply, you infer, thanks.

While I'm on the topic of misused words and phrases, did you know what the "carrot and the stick" expression really means? It means the carrot is always dangling out of your reach, and it's an incentive to keep going, but the truth is you will never, ever get the carrot. It's not a case of "If you do well, you get a carrot, if you don't, you get a stick."

My personal carrot-on-a-stick these days is the weather forecast. They keep promising me 50-degree weather five days from now. So I hang on, waiting hopefully. But the five days go by, and it's still fucking cold. And the newscast still says it'll be warm in five days. Argh.

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