2005-10-19 - 8:10 p.m.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Well, we are back. West Virginia was SO MUCH FUN!!!

Wait, I don't think that was loud enough.

West Virginia was SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!.

I am a much better and faster rider now, which meant that I was able to cover a lot more ground and see a lot more than last time. The weather was perfect and the trails were much drier than last time. It was awesome.

I wrote down some quotes during the trip down that seemed hilariously funny to me at the time, and still do, so I'm writing them down for posterity, though I realize there's an element of had-to-be-there for the rest of you. We were pretty giddy on the drive down.

We rented a big Dodge Ram for the trip, so we had extra room for our cooler full of food, riding gear, sleeping gear, all that. It feels enormous compared to our little Toyota pickup. And while Poindexter is always cussing out other drivers no matter what he is driving, the tone of his cussing changed a bit while driving this enormous truck:

Poindexter: I'm gonna fucking SQUISH your ass, that's what I'm gonna do.

When we crossed the WV state line, he started singing:

Poindexter: TAKE ME HOOOOOOOME! COUNTRY ROAAAAAAAAAADS! MOUNTAIN MAMA!

By the time we were out in western MD, we were seeing a lot of trucks with quads in the back. I mentioned it to Poindexter, and he said,

Poindexter: The place is riddled with quads.

We threw a bunch of last-minute stuff on the floor on my side on our way out the door, including a small bag of food and a soft lunch pack/cooler thing with soda in it, leading to this:

Evelynne: Uh-oh. That nice soft squishy thing I was resting my feet on was your loaf of bread.
Poindexter: HEY!

This last quote is much more interesting out of context so I'm not gonna explain it to you:

Evelynne: Woo hoo! Nimble tongue work there, dear!

I have some more impressions to write about West Virginia, and I'm still waiting to get my trail pictures back, so for now, here's a picture of me about to head out to the trails:

Look how enormous my helmet is compared to my body! Wacky! I wear my skate pads in case of falls (the worst fall I ever had, a few years ago, cut up my elbow a bit), but fortunately I did not need them this time. The outfit I'm wearing is my new "warm weather" riding outfit, which I got at Ross for a pittance on clearance. I was looking for a white long-sleeve shirt that was 100% cotton and less than $10, and this one fit the bill. I was so tickled to be wearing a shirt with a lacy hem out dirt biking. And the DKNY logo -- something I ordinarily would not buy, since I hate logos -- is particularly amusing to me because of the juxtaposition of the fashion-crazy Evelynne with the mud-covered Evelynne (look at my boots).

Although I can do pretty well with hearing people in a quiet, small environment (one of the reasons I prefer to have small groups of guests in my home), once I get into a place that has more than two people talking, a large room, and/or any kind of background noise or music, forget about it. The only way I'm going to understand a word you're saying is if I'm looking directly at you and you're enunciating.

One of the most difficult environments to deal with is one I encounter nearly every day: Stores. On the rare occasions that Poindexter is out with me, he has fielded the "Hello, can I help you find anything, if you need any help my name is So-and-So" spiel that apparently I get in every store. I look for salespeople and smile hello as soon as I walk in, trying to head the problem off, but sometimes it takes the salespeople a while to find me, so I'll be browsing through the racks and suddenly find that a salesperson has been following me around talking to the back of my head.

Every once in a GREAT while I get a person who has experience with hearing-impaired people, and will position herself so I can see her before she continues blathering away. My *GOD* I love those people. I always want to hug them.

One of the worst places is the grocery store. I should be able to exchange pleasant hellos and thank yous with the cashier and be done with it. But nooooooooooooooo. She's following some stupid script like "Did you find everything you needed today?" And I don't hear the question. I look up to see her looking at me expectantly. So I trot out my well-worn phrase, "I'm sorry, I have trouble hearing. What did you say?" All for a stupid question she's expecting a "no" response to anyway.

(Y'know, someday when I'm in the right mood, I should tell them I couldn't find something. But what will they do? Send someone to fetch it while I hold up the line, since my groceries are already on the belt? What is the fucking point of this?)

One other thing that really annoys me is that when I scan my credit card, I press a button that says "Credit". Yet the machine does not inform the cashier of this, so she is required to ask me, "Debit or credit?". EVERY FUCKING TIME, IN EVERY FUCKING STORE. Who designed and implemented this technology?

(Poindexter said that the same problem exists with the calling systems for credit cards. You call up, punch in your card number, punch in your zip code, blahblahblah, and then you get to a person and they say, "What's your credit card number, please?" They don't have access to the information you just punched in.)

Anyway. So all of these things are completely useless, plus they have the unintended effect of making me appear to be a complete idiot to ignorant cashiers, because they ask me these stupid questions when I am not looking at them, and I don't know they're asking. So I will look up, and see them looking at me expectantly, and I don't know which question they're asking, so I have to go through the "I'm sorry..." rigamarole. Sometimes when I'm really not in the mood I'll just say "Credit" and hope I'm answering the right question.

Most of the time, they seem to assume I just didn't hear them. Some of them seem to be annoyed that I am wasting their time. Occasionally, however, the cashier is an asshole and assumes I am a complete idiot. I will look up and see them looking at me with a "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" expression on their face. And then I say, as sweetly as possible, "I'm sorry, I have trouble hearing..." The effect on them -- instantaneous shocked embarrassment -- is deeply satisfying to me on a very, very selfish level. As much as I hate getting that look, I do so love turning the tables on them with so little effort.

This oft-repeated experience has been a lesson to me, in general: I try to NEVER assume anything about a situation. If I fly off the handle on my first assumption, I could find I am quite wrong and have just made the complete proverbial ass of myself.

While I was ranting about all this to Poindexter last night, I mentioned, "Are deaf people really THAT rare?!" I mean, doesn't everybody have an older relative whose hearing has gone? But that's old people -- I don't think I have regular contact with anyone else my age or younger (IRL) who is hard-of-hearing or deaf. I could seek them out, but I don't encounter them very often in the general population.

So consider this a public service message. If you're talking to somebody and they seem to be ignoring you, assume they can't hear you. Don't start yelling at the back of them; go around to face them, make eye contact, and speak in a normal voice, but DON'T MUMBLE.

I think I've already ranted about mumblers more than once so I'll spare you that one for today.

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