2005-09-20 - 8:02 p.m.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

I'm in a very bad mood right now. There's something that frustrates me about myself that I cannot change and also cannot yet make peace with, so there is nothing to do but have a crying jag about it once every few months or so while I work on the making-peace part. (I've made progress, but it's taking for fucking ever.) I'm done with the crying for now but still pissed off. I'll be OK in the morning. Somehow nothing like this ever seems so awful the next day.

I am not in the habit of writing about things when I'm upset. Now I'm writing two posts in a row about negativity. I am still happy, content, and/or excited 99.9% of the time, but the other 0.1% doesn't make it into my journal much, and some people have this idea that I never get upset or angry or frustrated or whatever, so I figured I'd go ahead and write about being angry/upset while I seemed to have an urge to do so. You're seeing 0.1% of me, but it's still me.

Uh, I seem to have run out of words for the negativity.

This will be particularly amusing to Ansley, given the exchange we just had in her journal: I got a book at the library today called "Fashion Victim". I am most definitely a fashion victim, in the sense that I pay too much attention to what people wear and spend too much money on clothes that I don't need, not to mention too much time THINKING about it. I mentioned this to Poindexter, and he said, "No, I'm the victim here." HAHAHAHA! I said, "You mean you have to deal with me babbling on about it all the time." Yep. I reminded him that he should tell me if he wants me to cut down on it, because I am already restraining myself and am willing to cut back more.

In my journal, I'm not willing to cut back since it's supposed to be all about me, but part of me is sick of talking about it so I'll be trying to talk more about other things.

Well, I had a fucking AWESOME weekend. Poindexter suddenly got freed up at work (a project got put on hold), so we took an unexpected camping/dirt-biking trip. I was in the perfect mood for camping -- I wasn't overly focused on work, or shopping, or that thing I won't talk about anymore, or anything, and I didn't even want to read. I just wanted to sit and look around, and chat idly, and reminisce a bit. Perfect for staring at a campfire. And Greenpad, you'll be happy to know that this time we got a green stick, sharpened it with a Swiss Army Knife, and roasted my weenie with it. And it was GOOD. :)

We found two new trails that we'd never been on before. One was a "whoop-de-do" trail, with lots of little dips (the kind that would collect water in puddles if it had rained recently), which is really easy to ride (no jarring rocks) without being boring like a plain road. Another one had a really difficult section (steep downhill with a lot of loose rocks) that I had to inch my way down, pretty much walking the bike, but after which you were rewarded by an incredible view of a farm valley below. We took pictures, which I will post at some later date, maybe 2-3 years from now. ;)

On Sunday, I finally got around to replacing the battery cable clamps on my Volkswagen. The battery died earlier this summer, and I got a new one, but the clamps were so old and messed up that they would not clamp properly and the battery would not connect. I ordered new cables, but then found that replacing the positive cable involved going behind the firewall, which was more complicated than I wanted to get into, so I figured I'd have our mechanic do it.

But last week, when the truck was in to have the AC compressor replaced, I mentioned the problem to the mechanic, but he handed me two new clamps (of course! DUH! nothing was wrong with the cables!) and said, "Have your husband put these on." When I got home, I looked at how the clamps connected to the cables and thought I could probably handle it. And I did! Poindexter gave me some helpful suggestions on how to do things (involving WD-40 and leverage), and I had to have him get the unscrewing started on the positive cable (I couldn't budge it), but I got the negative clamp off myself and put both new ones on all by myself. I have the grease under my fingernails and a cut on my thumb to prove it. I whooped when I turned the key in the ignition and saw that the indicator lights were on. The carburetor was completely emptied after all that time not being used, so it took nearly five minutes to get it to start, at which point I whooped again. It was immensely satisfying. And now it's running smoothly, it's passed inspection, and the weather will be perfect for convertible driving after this stupid heat wave passes.

When I picked it up after inspection, our mechanic said with a grin, "I took it for a little drive." I said, "Oh, good! Was it fun?" Of course it was! EVERYBODY LIKES TO DRIVE A KARMANN GHIA!!!

What do you know? I feel better now. :)

Tuesday, September 20th, 2005

What is UP with this WEATHER!? I had brunch with CamilleOphelia on Sunday and we were both bitching about how hot it is. Last week was gross, and this week is gross too. If this means we're having a warm winter, I'm OK with it, but if it means we're jumping straight from summer to winter I'm going to be pissed. I was gonna go on a group skate on Sunday, but decided against it because it will be too hot to really enjoy it. This makes me cranky.

It used to be that I got sad when fall was in the air, because it meant winter was coming. But as I (think I) mentioned, in the last year or so I've gotten "hotter", in the sense that my tolerance for extreme heat has gone down and my tolerance for extreme cold has gone up. I used to be able to sleep under a thick polyester comforter with cotton/poly sheets (i.e. not-so-breathable fabrics) as long as the temp in the room was 65 or lower, but last winter it would be 58 in our bedroom and I'd be too hot under that comforter. We ended up sleeping with several layered cotton blankets and sheets instead. I also used to be able to sleep with cotton sheets and blanket in 74 degrees in the summer, and now I sleep with just a sheet in a 70-degree room. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!?

BTW, my brother just turned 30 in April and has been complaining about how old he's getting. Not in the numbers sense, but in his priorities and interests. He said, with disgust, "I talk about the weather all the time." And I said, "Me too, and the really sad thing is that I'm genuinely interested in it as a topic." He nodded, still disgusted. Wait 'til we get REALLY old and all we talk about is our physical maladies. Wait, I already do that.

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Last Thursday, I drove up to Jersey to do a little flower shopping with my mom and have dinner with her and Dad. We had a hell of a time coordinating the day, since we both had all kinds of activities already planned and tentatively planned and my Dad was traveling for work midweek. We were marveling over the difficulty in coordinating a single evening together, and noted that the problem wasn't that we had too much WORK to do (though that's part of it), but that there was too much FUN in our lives and we didn't have enough time to squeeze it all in! It's like I commented in Venaja's journal: "My life is so full of fun I don't have time for all of it." I need to figure out some kind of rotational system for hobbies so that I have time to do them all. The problem is, some of them are weather-dependent, and we have very little of the ideal weather for them, so I'm trying to cram them all into the perfect six-week period in the fall. The six-week period WHICH IS NOT HAPPENING THIS YEAR.

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So, a while back I ran across this picture of me from ... I think the summer between high school and college. Fifteen years ago. Back when I hated exercise, vegetables, and guns. This is one of my favorite pictures of me ever taken:

And I looked at that and then looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "it's time for bangs again." I gave the no-bangs look a go, and while a lot of people like it and it's less itchy around the forehead, the truth is I've always thought that bangs gave my face a softer look that I prefer. I am trying to stay away from the "Winnie Cooper look", as Poindexter puts it, wrinkling his nose, but I now have some hair falling over my forehead. Here are a couple of quick pictures right after I got home from the salon, a bit hot and bedraggled, with my hair up in the first pic because IT IS STILL FUCKING AUGUST HERE:

They are not great pictures, but you'll be seeing more of the cut when I start taking fall clothing pictures, so. Here's another recent picture of me that I like, sans bangs, for comparison:

The bangs seem to be easy to work into the rest of my hair if I want to, so I do not have to give up the bang-less look altogether. I can alternate! It's VERSATILE! I can GO BOTH WAYS!

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I bought a lacy tank and pair of pants on sale at New York & Company over Labor Day weekend and took a few pics. My new color obsession is orange, most especially orange and brown, although I find that the orange and ivory combination is also squee-inducing. Here's the top I got ($12.50!) with some stuff already in my closet. I don't like the shoes, or even the outfit really, but the colors! SQUEE!

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And finally: Last week, we were driving to Poindexter's work and I caught sight of a GROWN WOMAN with A DUCK UMBRELLA!! Just like mine!!! I clapped and kicked my feet with glee. She was dressed up for work in a beige outfit, and had quite a swing in her hips, very sexy, and she had a DUCK UMBRELLA! I suppose she could've borrowed it from her kid, but she seemed awfully comfortable with it, so I'm going to assume it was hers. YAY!

Someday I will remember to get P to take a picture of me when I'm using mine.

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