2000-10-12 - 12:22pm

On the internal soundtrack: "Randy Scouse Git", by the Monkees.

Oh, dear.

I seem to have developed another of my little crushes.

I get these from time to time. It's like George's "nonsexual crush" on that guy Elaine dated for an episode or two of Seinfeld. I get them on people who I think are cute or especially nice so they make me feel bashful. This time it's -- you guessed it -- PS.

I talked to him! He shook my hand! I introduced myself and told him I'd been watching him on TV on Saturdays and trying to find out who he was, and dragged my husband over to the mall for dinner so I could see him. He seemed a little surprised, or like he thought it was neat. I told him he was like a celebrity to me and he laughed. As I left, I said "I just wanted to say hello" and he said, "Well thank you, Evelynne." He remembered my name!

There were two other girls there who seemed to recognize him, and the one was singing along the entire time. She must be like Poindexter, who knows every song PS plays because he heard it on AM radio in the car when he was growing up. It's not what he would choose to listen to (he is hard rock/heavy metal all the way), but he knows all the songs.

It was freaky to see PS, at first. It is always weird to see someone in person whom you have only seen on television. Then I got used to it. I like watching him sing. He is adorable. He really gets into his singing. He dances around in front of his keyboard. I will be going back again, and next time I'm going in a separate car from Poindexter so I can stay all night if I want.

I ate too much. I needed something to do while I was listening/watching, so I ate chicken nuggets, waffle fries, and some ice cream. Way more than I needed to eat. When it was time to leave I was afraid I wouldn't be able to walk. Next time I'll have to sip coffee or something.

I like PS. He's cute. :)

Speaking of crushes. Add one more to the celebrity crush list:

Jude Law.

Oh. My. God.

We saw him in "The Talented Mr. Ripley" awhile back and, well, oh my goodness. He was nothing like his character in "Gattaca", who was all sickly and weird.

I've heard that he and Ewan McGregor are good friends. The thought of the two of them in the same room makes it hard for me to breathe.

[Poindexter, you know I love you. Think of it like how guys read Playboy or watch the girls on BET or the Spanish channel. ;)]

My, what a shallow entry this is turning out to be.

OK, so, over the wedding weekend, there was a lot of catty discussion going on. You know how weddings are. All these people you've never met, who are different from you, so you make fun of them. Look what she's wearing, what kind of hairstyle is that, look what dorky dancers they are, stuff like that.

My conscience tortures me about this. It's fun goofing on people, but I feel bad about it. I mean, it isn't very nice. And if the people found out what you were saying about them, they might feel awful. I wouldn't want that. It is not malicious in its intent.

However, there are certain things that make me feel less bad about it. The first is that it's not malicious. It is not done with the intent of hurting them in some way. Second, if you are that deeply hurt by what people are saying about you, you have self-esteem issues to work on. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." That's my personal credo. Third, EVERYONE does this. It seems to be human nature to poke fun at people.

This means, of course, that people are talking about ME behind MY back. I tell you, I'd love to know what people are saying about me. I have my own ideas about what's dorky or annoying about me, some of which I try to work on and others which I've just accepted. But do other people agree? Do they see dorky things about me that I'm unaware of? I'd like to know what they are, so I can try to improve on them if I want to. Most of it, probably, would just make me laugh, since I'm pretty secure in my own dorkiness.

Just the same, I try to just listen more than I participate, but it sure is tempting. Generally I try to keep my catty remarks between me and Poindexter, since he's really the only person I trust not to take it the wrong way or repeat it to someone later who might be hurt by it.

Stuff I try to work on:

- I tend to ramble a lot, or monopolize the conversation. Yet I love to listen to people, so I work on asking questions.

- Apparently I have a tendency to be too bluntly honest. This is because whatever I say to someone, I do not perceive it as being negative, but they sometimes do. I have to watch what I say to make sure the other person won't take it the wrong way. You could argue that the problem is not mine, but the other person's. But because it is my mission in life to be nice to people, since I appreciate niceness so much, so I work on this one.

- I have an inherited tendency to fidget in patterns. I try to catch myself and stop, since it's only going to get worse with age. This may be a lost cause, but I won't give up the fight.

- I have a bad habit of fluffing the pillows just before bed, creating a draft which makes Poindexter cold. I try to remember not to do this. I also have a bad habit of using his brush to brush my hair upside down, then leaving the brush on the floor. I have to remember to put it back. So far I'm failing miserably at both, but I'm trying.

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