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2004-06-21 - 9:53 p.m.

I wonder sometimes how I'm going to change over the next decade or so.

While I am still fundamentally the same person -- transparently honest, very open, delighted by everything, very individualistic -- I have made some changes in my life that would really surprise people who knew me 10-15 years ago. For instance, in college:

- I never ate any vegetables (apples and iceberg lettuce, that was about it)

- I hated exercise and refused to do it

- Daydreamed about living on lots of land in the middle of nowhere

- Had zero interest in gardening, in fact tried to avoid it

- Was a very cluttered, disorganized person.

Now look at me. I love incorporating fresh vegetables into our cooking, love walking, skating, and low-impact aerobics (and apparently hiking!), live in the city, freak out with excitement when my seeds sprout, and can keep my house relatively neat for weeks at at a time. What the hell happened? Did I just grow up?

When I first started journaling, almost 4 years ago, I was just discovering the whole libertarian thing. I still believe that keeping the government out of most things is the better way to go. But I also recognize that a libertarian ideal is never going to happen as long as there are so many people who like government -- and there are a lot of them! -- and I am currently struggling with how to apply that practically to the system that exists.

Probably the best change that's happened is that I'm completely comfortable with myself. I'm always looking to improve, but I don't tend to feel bad if people don't like me. In college I was lonely sometimes because I didn't have what I consider a "real" friend -- someone who "gets" me -- until junior year or so, and then there was only this one person. Now my husband is the best friend I've ever had, I've connected with some amazing people through LiveJournal who "get" me, or who at the very least appreciate me for exactly who I am, rather than giving me funny looks all the time. It's like the best gift I could ever have asked for in my life.

So I just wonder, what's next? More of the same? Or will I change again? What direction could I change in? I'd be perfectly happy if nothing changed for the next 50 years, if I could just go on enjoying the growing season every year, enjoying my friends and family, making home improvements, and learning. I know I can keep learning, so I don't see how I could ever get bored.


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