2003-09-16 - 5:09 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack:

Tuesday, September 9

Y'know how on those store-brand packages of bagged fresh spinach, they say "wash and inspect carefully before eating"? Well, I threw caution to the wind today and only inspected, and not very carefully at that.

I mean, come on. They looked like they'd already been washed. Why do I have to wash it again? Is this some kind of cover-your-ass thing?

I hate washing leaves. But I love eating them. Argh.

Monday, September 15

I can't begin to write out the full thread of conversation that led to this, so you get an excerpt. Said by me to my husband today:

"Sometimes I think that my theory of multiple soul mates is wrong. Sometimes I really think you're the only one there is. There are so many 'almosts', you know? And then there are guys that I think are attractive and meet many criteria but I just don't feel the spark. Although I suppose that could be because my spark's being fueled by you. I mean, did you ever notice that the longer you go without sex, the more attractive people you find? It's like ... horn-goggles or something."

Tuesday, September 16

A comment from this post.

I have always looooooooved other people's weddings. I would look at bridal magazines, pick out the dresses I liked, think about flowers, blah blah blah. I would pay $8 to go to a wedding show. It's about girliness, plain and simple. I think that this is a HUGE part of women's interest in weddings. That said, when I would think about my future husband, I thought about MARRIAGE. About how we would talk to each other, make decisions together, be affectionate with each other, raise children together, stuff like that. And as it happened, once I met the right man, the LAST THING ON EARTH I wanted to do was have a wedding. I just wanted us to be married. I tried to talk my mother into letting me elope but she wasn't having any of it, so we had the wedding for her and I wished all day that I was somewhere else. I did love my dress, though. :) My point is that although some women are a little too focused on the wedding and not enough on the man/marriage (and I've known some who were), I was not one of those women. :)

I think there's a certain segment of the population that wants to be rescued, though. I'm not sure if it's a female trait, or if it's the trait of a weak-willed woman. It isn't really an option for men (though it's becoming one) so I can't separate the two. I would imagine there are some men who would like to be taken care of if it wasn't so societally unacceptable to do so.

I think it's quite possible that women don't know what they want. I think that we've replaced the expecation that "women should stay home and raise babies" with the expectation that "women should work outside the home". But there are many, many women who would still be happiest if they could stay home and raise babies, and they're feeling conflicted.

Some people make the mistake of assuming that the money earner holds all the power. I know of two long-term marriages where the man brings home the money and the woman manages it and the entire household. Decisions are made through joint discussion. The fact that the man earned the money does not give him "extra" power because the woman is contributing equally (just nonmonetarily) to the business of managing a household.

To me, feminism is SUPPOSED to be about women being free to make the choices that are best for them. As Kit mentioned, it only matters that BOTH PARTIES want the same situation. If a woman is comfortable having her husband be the dominant partner, more power to her! If she's a high-powered businesswoman and her husband wants to stay home with the babies, same thing! It's about people building the life they want, and finding a person to build it with who has the same values. Unfortunately, feminism has been corrupted to mean "you should live your life like WE tell you to", which is why so many people dislike the label.

Honestly, I can't really answer your questions about other women and what they want. Most of my female friends are like me -- they know exactly what they want and it's rather similar to what I want. I have a few acquaintances that I just can't freaking figure out because I don't think they know what they want either.

As for my personal situation, which is what I have always wanted, we are equals. Generally, I have the same expectations of myself as I do of my husband. I do like having a guy around to open jars and do work that requires upper-body strength, though. We both work, and we have split the household tasks in a way that looks lopsided on a daily basis (I do everyday chores; he does projects, which I can't STAND). We've adjusted the split at times as things change. Money is "our money". I make more money than he does (my field has a higher demand, I guess), but this is NEVER an issue when it comes to choosing how we spend it. Decisions are made on a rational basis -- we talk and talk and talk and agree on the best scenario for us as a couple. Sometimes, when there are no other constraints, we go by who wants something the most. Both of us are reasonable enough that this is never abused.

My husband has been laid off twice, during which time mine was the sole income except for unemployment insurance. These have been my favorite times in our life together. He took on more of the household responsibilities in between job search activities, and did a LOT of projects around the house that we otherwise would've had to pay someone to do or wouldn't have gotten done. Even though he was not bringing in money, he was more than pulling his weight, and life was very calm and happy then without the added stress of two people working. Due to the nature of his work, I expect this to happen again at some point, and I'm looking forward to it. Someday I'd like to be a housewife for a while, although I suppose I'd have to learn to cook. :)

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