2001-11-28 - 3:34 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "I've Got Friends in Low Places", Garth Brooks. This is a particular favorite of a bunch of people in my family.

This is what I've been wondering about lately:

Why does it have to be true that good things are even better when they're contrasted with something bad or even not-as-good? Why is pumpkin pie better when I only have it once a year than it would be if I ate it every day for breakfast? One of the things I try to do is appreciate all the things I love -- from my morning Pop-Tart to my husband's laugh to snuggling under the comforter in winter -- EVERY SINGLE DAY. But the fact remains that just about anything is more exciting if we've never had them before or haven't had them for a while. Why?

Why do people use "the silent treatment"? Is this a nonverbal way of informing people that you're mad at them, or is it form of punishment? Or both? When people use it, do they ignore the other person? I don't get that. When I'm upset about something, I get quiet because I'm thinking about it, trying to figure out why it upset me so we can constructively work on how to avoid it in the future. But it's not "the silent treatment".

For that matter, why do people find it so damn difficult to explain how they're feeling? What mental block do humans have here? Why can't people say, "Situation X has made me feel emotion Y, and I think it's because I am overly sensitive about Z, and if you don't mind, could you not mention Z anymore or at least help me figure out how not to be so sensitive about it?"

Why are humans so protective of their feelings? Why is the fear of being embarrassed or hurt so strong? You know, if I could give advice to my younger self, it would be: "Don't worry about getting hurt or embarrassed. You'll regret it more if you don't try it." Not risking hurt or embarrassment for the chance of fun or pleasure or happiness is a god damned shame.

Most of the time I almost forget about 9/11 (almost). I have either a very adaptable personality or a short memory; take your pick. My focus is more on the war in Afghanistan and where we'll go next. I'm not living in fear anymore. The risk of me or a loved one dying in a terrorist attack is, after all, statistically smaller than losing someone in a car accident.

Then sometimes I will think of the Twin Towers and realize: they are gone. And it hits me all over again -- the shock, the fear, what a horrible, horrible time that was. How horrible it still is. It will be a year before they're even done cleaning up the wreckage. All those people lost. And for what?

You know what I'm thankful for? I'm thankful that of the 40,000-plus people who worked in those towers, most of them got out. I'm glad that there are 40,000 families who still have their loved ones. I hope they cherish them.

There's a new baby elephant at the National Zoo, did you hear? It weighed 325 pounds at birth. My jaw dropped when I read that. A three hundred twenty-five pound baby!

Then I read how much it'll be when it's grown up. THIRTEEN THOUSAND POUNDS. SIX AND A HALF TONS. A LIVING ANIMAL. Is that a typo or is it true?!?

Holy shit. I am honestly amazed by this. Life, the mere existence of life, is amazing. From a one-celled bacteria to a sperm and egg to a 6.5-ton elephant. If I didn't see it all around me I'd think you were making it up.

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