2001-09-21 - 6:00 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "Imagine", a song which makes Poindexter nuts. "IT'S A SONG ABOUT COMMUNISM!" It's been in my head off and on for days though.

When we were driving down Market Street, and I was looking at all the people -- just bunches and bunches of them -- I said to Poindexter, "Wow, this place feels totally different from DC!"

He said, "That's because this place has an IDENTITY!"

He's complained in the past that DC is a rather sterile city (in the parts we visit, anyway), due in large part to its transient politico population.

Later on, though, I commented to Poindexter that the people working at the Italian place weren't at all friendly. No smiles, no small talk.

Poindexter: That's what people are like around here. Jerks.
Evelynne: First you say that Philly's got an identity, now you're saying they're mean.
Poindexter: They are! That's the identity!

Even later on, in Rittenhouse, the driver in front of us is not behaving in a manner acceptable to Poindexter. So Poindexter starts cussing at him. Then:

Poindexter: Hey! I can be a jerk!
Evelynne: Yeah! You'll fit right in!

Now, in all seriousness.

When I was a kid ... well, who am I kidding. Let me restart.

I have always been rather sensitive to sarcasm, ever since I was a kid. I handle it better now, but I don't like it. Especially when it is used as a putdown, even if the sarcasm is funny.

So, you combine that with my innate open weirdness and inability to repress it, and you get an unhappy Evelynne sometimes.

For whatever reason, many of the people I've met (natives, all) from the Philly area have senses of humor that are bitingly sarcastic. I'm not sure if it's the specific subpopulation I've been exposed to, or a more widespread phenomenon.

I remember being teased incessantly with this sort of sarcasm one day to the point that it brought me to tears. And then, much to my surprise, the kids doing it apologized and said they were just having fun.

I even seem to remember, when I was 10 or so, pointing out to my cousins that people in Pennsylvania had a different sense of humor. They were used to "weird" observations like this from me and I don't remember getting much of a reaction, either to agree or disagree.

Now, I really do believe these people when they say that there's no harm intended. I think most of the time there's no real condescension or malicious thought behind it. It's just a common way of being humorous. But the fact remains that I don't like it. I'm also getting the impression -- and so is Poindexter -- that new people that I've met from the Philadelphia area seem to like me a great deal because I'm nice. I mean, most people think I'm nice, but it seems to be more of a novelty to them.

So this, combined with Philadelphia's reputation for having some really nasty sports fans, is what we mean when we say Philadelphians are "jerks".

Disputations welcome! Bring 'em on! Tell me it's a small subset of the population! I really don't know. I'm just relating my personal experience. And I must say I was touched by what I'm hearing about the Flyers game.

Poindexter's building was evacuated today. He didn't know why. He decided to go straight home. The time between when he told me he was leaving and the time he called me to let me know he was home was a little tense.

I hate being afraid all the time. Especially since rationally I know that my chances of being a victim in a terrorist attack are actually pretty small, despite my proximity to DC, and my control over the situation is nil anyway. "I could get hit by a bus," is what Poindexter keeps saying. But I'm still afraid.

Some of this is from comments I wrote in my LiveJournal. One paragraph is new.

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I don't feel good in the soccer mom costume. I feel frumpy. This is not to dis soccer moms -- the reason I buy those clothes is because I like how they look on the soccer moms. I just don't like how they end up looking on me.

I'm suffering from an inability to believe that the trendy stuff I see on women in the city -- stuff that I like -- will "work" on me. Judging by the reactions I get from family & friends when I bite the bullet and buy something different, though, it *does* work. Now I just need to apply that more often when I buy clothes.

It's hard to explain. I don't care what other people think -- I will go to the store with my hair in a knot, no makeup, a sweatshirt with oil stains and baggy sweatpants and feel fine about it. But I also get personal pleasure out of wearing an outfit I feel I look good in, and paying extra attention to hair and makeup.

My husband asks me all the time -- "Who are you putting makeup on for?" and I reply, "Me."

When I lived alone in my own apartment, I would actually get dressed up in a sexy outfit, play with makeup, and fuss with my hair even when I had absolutely no intention of going anywhere or receiving visitors that day. This from someone who doesn't wear makeup on a regular basis. Makeup is fun for me, and is more about color coordinating with my outfit -- like an accessory -- than it is about how I feel about how I look.

As for spandex and cleavage: This is less about clothes-as-sausage-casing (not that there's anything wrong with that! woo!) than it is about getting clothes that fit me properly. I'm very small. Grownup clothes are always too big, but since I have womanly protrusions, girl's clothes don't fit either. Thanks to spandex, it is now actually possible for me to buy "stretch" pants and shirts that are not baggy and are not skin-tight either. And I can't actually get cleavage due to the position of my boobs on my chest, but I'm also tired of unfitted shirts that make me look waistless.

What I have to do is be more selective about what I buy, which means no giving up and buying an article of clothing I don't really love merely because I'm frustrated with shopping. And I have be more open to styles that I currently think won't "work" on me when I look at them on the rack.

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