2001-08-01 - 10:32 a.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "Ask", The Smiths

So, last week sometime John posted an article about biological warfare (specifically smallpox) and how easy it would be to wage that kind of war on the U.S.

Groan. I used to have a lot of nuclear war dreams. I guess this is what will replace them.

I just saw Cast Away a couple weeks ago, too. Aside from making me very, very sad (I didn't buy the tacked-on ending for a minute), my throat was constricted for the entire movie as I tried to figure out (ahead of Tom Hanks) exactly what I would do if stranded on a desert island.

(Note to self: Always carry matches with you, in a ziplock bag. Actually, buy a flint and steel. Whatever that is. It sounds like it'll last longer than matches and be less susceptible to water damage.)

My first thought, honestly, is that I should get myself some cyanide pills so that I can just end it if I want to. The idea of struggling through radiation sickness, or being near-starving all the time because all the people who make my beloved local Safeway a reality are dead of smallpox, is really horrifying to me.

But it's quite likely that I won't be willing to die. My survival instinct is going to kick in HARD and I'm going to be trying to figure out how to live without depending on the vast network of other people that keeps things going now.

So now I'm thinking a lot about my lack of survival skills, in addition to starting Lucifer's Hammer because I am a glutton for torture, or something.

Seriously, I have always liked these doomsday novels. I loved The Stand. And I always wonder, what would I do if the world as we know it ceased to exist? What if almost everybody died, and I couldn't just go to Safeway to get what I needed? How would I survive? Could I eat? All I've got in my garden is basil and a single bell pepper. That won't cut it.

We have guns, so we can shoot squirrels and such. Or those ducks in the lake.

Maybe I should stock up on more ammo. I have less than 500 rounds right now. Assuming I can hit a duck within ten tries (is that even plausible? A paper target or a plate is not like a living, moving duck), that's only 50 ducks. How long will that feed us for?

Oh, the guilt. I'd have to shoot the things when they're sleeping to make it easier to get one. I'd feel terrible.

It's amazing how removed human beings are from the ugly realities of trying to stay alive. Hardly anyone grows their own vegetables and grains, kills and butchers their own chickens, all that. That's what scares me the most -- I don't know what to do if Safeway's empty. I don't know how to butcher a duck! For godsakes! Not to mention, I'll be fighting other people for those ducks, probably!

I suppose the libraries will still be there, so I can break in and read about how to butcher a duck. That would help.

One of the responses to John's post addressed the problem of being unable to see without vision correction. My vision is horrendous. I have two pairs of glasses right now. Soon I might have three, since I wanted a different style. If I hold onto those, I might do okay for a while.

It's really pretty incredible how fortunate we are these days. It used to be people would try to make the trek from the east to the west coast, and many of them died along the way, and sometimes they were starving. Nowadays, if someone's starving in this country, it's because someone has locked them in the basement, they're crazy, or they've got themselves lost in the wilderness, not because food cannot be obtained.

When I think of all the things that are important to me right now, I realize that most of them would become superfluous if I were reduced, through a disaster of this sort, to a day-to-day will-I-see-tomorrow existence.

My big concerns right now are trivial things like planning a move to Philadelphia, learning more about political philosophy, chatting with people who live thousands of miles away about life the universe and everything, and having plenty of time to goof off with my husband.

If the world nearly ended tomorrow, all my energy would be focused on where my next meal was coming from, and protecting myself from people who see me as an obstacle to their next meal. How much time would I have for ruminations on life, the universe, and everything? Would I love life as much as I do now if it were a constant physical struggle to stay alive?

If Poindexter survived too, I'd say yes, definitely. Probably even if he didn't also survive, interacting with other people is enough of a joy to make it worthwhile. Besides, it's the nature of human beings to band together and help each other out. Eventually we'd probably form a system of cooperation on a smaller scale than it is now, and life would get easier.

It's just interesting to think how far removed I am from the basics of existence. Food, water, shelter are taken completely for granted, and they are quite possibly the three most important things I have to worry about.

Jeez, water! Where would I get that from if the infrastructure wasn't working? I'd have to walk to upstate New York to those lakes that are the only ones I'm aware of as being safe to drink.

At least if 95% of the population died, there would be a LOT of canned food and bottled water leftover for me to eat and drink while I try to figure stuff out. And after a few attempts at butchering ducks, I'd probably get pretty good at it. Might even be able to breed some chickens, too.

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