2001-05-24 - 12:35 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "Oscillate Wildly", the Smiths

The last three days have been spent working for my boss, trying to cram two weeks of work in to three days. It didn't work, of course. I won't get blamed for it, so I don't mind much. But I'm too tired to agonize over the writing in sharing my reactions to the Kaycee hoax, which I am practically obligated to talk about, being a member of the whole blog/journal "community". So let me just ramble.

There was one trivial detail that interested me about the whole Kaycee hoax.

A lot of people were suspicious that a 19-year-old was using a lot of songs from an era before her time, particularly the 60s and 70s. This, by itself, is a weak argument. I'm 29, and most of my favorite music -- the songs I'd be most likely to quote if I did that -- was recorded before I was born or shortly thereafter. I listen to the Beatles, the Monkees, Led Zeppelin, The Who. I've listened to this stuff since I was a little kid, because my parents played it then.

Poindexter he read exactly one entry in the Kaycee blog, the last one, in which "Top of the World" was quoted. That hit Mr. Cynic the wrong way and he suspected right then that she wasn't real. When he told me this after the story broke, I thought that was silly. We've been having our trademark mock-arguments about it. Last night, over Burger King takeout:

Poindexter: No 19-year-old girl listens to "Top of the World".
Evie: *I* listen to "Top of the World"!
Poindexter: You're not 19.
Evie: But I listened to it when I was 19!
Poindexter: I mean, a 19-year-old girl TODAY.
Evie: When I was 19, in 1991, the Carpenters were not popular! What's the difference?!
Poindexter: [eye roll]
Evie: And furthermore, her uncle was singing it to her! He was supposedly ten years older than her! My age!
Poindexter: [looks skeptical]
Evie: Fine. I hate you. Next time I'm just getting Burger King for myself and I won't even ask if you want any.

Poindexter hates the Carpenters, so I've been singing it a lot to him lately. Off-key and everything. He just looks at me in abject horror.

I've always liked "Top of the World". My grandmother (Dad's mom) loved it. I've been listening to it and the Carpenters all my life. I listened to them when I was 19 in 1991 (in fact my suitemates in college all knew "Close to You", which we sang to a blue-eyed blond-haired guy in the dorm). It is not at all implausible that a 19-year-old girl, raised by parents who listened to the Carpenters, might actually like them.

I am real. My name is not Evelynne, and everyone else's name is also a pseudonym, but everything else is the absolute truth. The pictures of me that I've posted are really me. I think I'm too goofy and not exciting enough to be fake, don't you? And if I were going to post fake pictures of me, I would have long black wavy hair, be six inches taller, and and have darker eyelashes.

I didn't read the blog regularly, but yeah, I was duped. So? Unlike some people, this doesn't bother me one bit. I'm corny, "Kaycee" was corny. The overly positive tone seemed to me like selective editing. We all edit our lives to fit into our journals; I figured she chose only to relate the positive, and maybe even fudged it a bit. That didn't have to mean that the person herself was not real.

I feel bad for people who "talked" to "Kaycee" and felt a connection with her. I know that I'd be shocked and upset if people I know online suddenly died, or if I found out they had lied copiously. Imagine if Kevin was really a 45-year-old female couch potato, pretending to look like her buff, bearded neighbor, and eating sugary Pop-Tarts all day long! That would be more than a little unsettling.

The idea that anyone should feel bad or embarrassed for trusting Kaycee is just silly. For pete's sake. Yeah, so the blog was a little corny. So are a lot of other "real" writers out there. Furthermore, journals are never absolute truth. At the very least, they're selectively edited. You don't hear every single thing that goes on in my life here because I don't have enough room to write about it.

If you had a person who always tried to focus on the positive, chose to ignore the negative, and also had a penchant for somewhat melodramatically sweet writing, you'd end up with "Kaycee". Anyone who isn't cynical and always looks for the good in people isn't going to be questioning things that the cynics pick out immediately.

Frankly, I'd rather be a little gullible than a cynic when it comes to people dying of cancer.

A lot of people have been asking: Why are people so obsessed with this? Don't they have anything better to do?

Well, why not? Especially for people who were aware of Kaycee before the hoax was revealed. If I were to read about this hoax in the paper, with no previous knowledge, it would barely have blipped my radar. But when the hoax happens to me, it suddenly becomes a lot more interesting.

Also, I have great deal of interest in how people react to things, and what their opinions are. This is a perfect opportunity for me to find out many, many opinions on the exact same issue, an issue I was also marginally affected by.

In addition, I still have some unanswered questions, most of which probably will never get answered. Why did Debbie really do this? Why did she drag it out for so long? Has she done any other writing? What does her family think of it all? What does Julie Fullbright think?

If I were Julie Fullbright, I think once I got over the shock I wouldn't be able to stop laughing. The whole thing is just ridiculous.

This leads me to a few tangential questions: Why are human beings such gossips? Why is it more fun to stick your nose into everyone else's business than it is to just do your own thing and be productive? And is there anything fundamentally wrong with gossiping, provided you're not revealing a secret you've been entrusted with?

One enormously valuable lesson in this mess: anyone who's been following the story closely can see, first hand, just how BAD many journalists are at keeping their facts straight. I have yet to read an article that really understands the timeline and who did what.

Gives you food for thought, doesn't it? In recent years I've read the newspapers very skeptically, and will read even more skeptically from now on. Nothing you read can truly be considered a "fact". Personal slant aside, which is a whole 'nother problem in itself, people just get the facts mixed up.

One fun thing I got out of the whole Kaycee mess: an introduction to John Styn. Given my affection for loud, flamboyant people, and openness, it figures I'd take to him right away.

You may say what you like about him -- and he definitely invokes strong opinions -- but I just can't help but like someone who likes to be naked, who occasionally does his hair like Pippi Longstocking, shows you his butt yet makes sure you look at the gorgeous flowers in the photo too, and is honest enough to admit rather gross untalked-about things like this.

And call me shallow, but the pecs, abs, and hair don't hurt one bit. ;)

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