2001-04-26 - 4:05 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: Theme from "Malcolm in the Middle"

The "Malcolm" theme always seems to pop into my head when Poindexter and I disagree on something. He gets pretend-authoritative, and "You're not the boss of me now!" starts playing in my head.

For instance, a friend of mine recently cut her hair into a really fabulous style. It also happens to be short. She looks just fucking fabulous, and I love the cut itself, and we both have straight hair. It would probably work on me.

So I send the pics to Poindexter and we have this discussion on IM:

Evelynne: Someday I'm cutting my hair like that.
Evelynne: It looks like ZERO maintenance.
Poindexter: no.
Evelynne: YES
Poindexter: no.
Evelynne: I'll put a wig on if you can't take it.
Evelynne: I'm serious.
Evelynne: I *love* it.
Poindexter: no.
Evelynne: Yes.
Poindexter: no.
Evelynne: YOU have short hair!
Evelynne: You didn't when we met!
Poindexter: I did when you married me.
Poindexter: Shorter than now.
Evelynne: By then it was too late! I fell in love with you back when you had long hair!
Evelynne: Maybe I should cut my hair now. I'm trying to decide.
Evelynne: Perm or short?
Evelynne: Hm........
Poindexter: perm.
Evelynne: What if the perm doesn't work right, and I look like a poodle?
Poindexter: I'll pet you, baby.
Evelynne: [snort]

A few of the wackier Google searches I've gotten lately:

straight guys pissing
daddy or chips?
hoity toity couples
extremely hairy senior woman
ethnic erotic photography
bikini wax your grandmother
tight skirt art
raspberry tea and gay pictures
poindexter and barbie

Who the hell wants to know about bikini waxing in connection with one's grandmother? Good god.

And I'm not sure what raspberry tea has to do with gay pictures. I'm drinking raspberry tea right this instant -- maybe I should go find some gay pictures and see how it all goes together.

I should probably submit one of these to OddGoogle -- any suggestions on which one?

Here's the most disturbing one I've ever gotten: "real life r*pe clips". Horrors. This sent them to an entry in which, in separate sections, I mention "clips from woodstock", SimPoindexter attempting to "r*pe" SimEvelynne, and the phrase "real life conversation".

So I finally remembered to bring my chick cereal to work today.

I used to eat this wonderful cereal that had vanilla-covered oat clusters and almonds in it. I loved it. Of course, they took it off the market.

Last weekend I saw an ad for "Harmony", which is described as "Vanilla Almond Oat". Woo, yay. But it is also "a low-fat nutritional cereal for women". Snort. It's loaded to the gills with vitamins and stuff like folic acid, and has soy in it. It is SO SILLY. It's seriously lacking in the fiber department, even though the flakes taste a lot like bran flakes. But it's pretty good. So I eat it.

Did I mention that I returned my cheap standard-size down pillow? I used it for a few nights and decided it was too small, and it had a 30-day guarantee, so.

Then I bought the $120 pillow. King size.

I love my pillow.

Good thing is, Macy's was having a big-ass sale, and between the sale price and the additional coupon, I got it for $36. Not bad at all.

I made a few trips to the mall over the last week.

On Sunday I was in the shoe department at JCPenney, just browsing, and could see salesmen sort of perking up, ready to wait on me. I tried not to make eye contact because I was just browsing. I was in flip-flops and didn't want to deal with getting peds or whatever I'd need to try shoes on.

It's the same uncomfortable feeling I used to get when trying to avoid a guy in a bar who's got his eye on me.

The combination of all this, plus the constant, constant "ticklish pedicure" hits I keep getting, and all of a sudden I wondered: are there a disproportionate number of foot fetishists working in shoe retail? Can you imagine that? Getting turned on by feet and getting to work with them all day?

On second thought, I decided that only an extreme pervert would do that. Besides, I'd think that constant exposure to the object of your desire would get rid of the mystery and make it too tame and familiar. Feet ... been there, done that.

My next little incident was an attack of spontaneity.

Now, I tend to plan things way in advance, and research things extensively, and have a waiting period in which I make sure I really want to do something.

But when I happened past the Piercing Pagoda and saw the big "Free Piercing!" signs and thought, hmm... maybe I should get a second piercing in one ear. Buy a pair of gold earrings for $20 and just do it. I was thisclose to having it done.

But then I thought, wait, you've thought about doing this before. Why didn't you? I started feeling my earlobe, deciding where to put it, and then I remembered. Too small. I have little tiny ears to begin with, and I have connected earlobes, too. If you were to do a second piercing, you'd probably have to get into cartilage, and I'm just not up for that.

So much for a spontaneity attack.

I am almost 30 years old, and I still sit on the floor to put my shoes on. Poindexter uses a chair or the bed, but there I am on the floor.

I have no intention of doing any differently, either. If I find that I need to, that means my body is stiffening up and getting old and it's time to start the yoga.

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