2001-09-19 - 5:45 p.m.

On the internal soundtrack: "Two of Us", Beatles

OK, y'know what? I can't talk about this.

I can't talk about things from a political perspective because I don't know anything. I'm reading a lot of stuff and considering a lot of points of view but can't say anything decisive. Not to mention, LiveJournal is a battleground of its own right now and I don't need people attacking me for stuff I'm just THINKING about, as I've seen elsewhere.

I can't talk about it from a personal perspective because it comes out sounding so trite and not at all descriptive of the pervasive sadness and fear I'm feeling for all the people involved.

At the same time, I feel like moving on with the trivialities of life is somehow disrespectful and naive. It doesn't feel quite right to just move on with my life when other people's lives have been and will be so drastically changed by what happened. But I don't really know what else to do. And the fact remains that this has completely permeated my life. I was never a take-things-for-granted person before, but am even less so now.

So anyway.

Originally we had planned to go to Tower City last weekend, and to Philadelphia this coming weekend. The attacks made me want to be with family sooner rather than later, so we switched the weekends.

Friday night we spent with Stacey and Brent and Lee. Kelsey, unfortunately, was with her dad. Stacey said Kelsey was doing okay -- was a little worried about her house getting bombed, then remembered Brent was a police officer and would take care of her. What a wonderful comfort that must be to her.

Lee is impossibly cute. Poufy cheeks that beg to be kissed. I kissed his cheeks incesssantly, and he just drooled and smiled. Gotta love babies. He looks exactly like his mother did as a kid.

We went outside at 7pm to light candles. Stacey had heard it on the radio, and I'd gotten three or four e-mails. At first we were all by ourselves, but eventually some of the neighbors came out and we had a pretty big group. It wasn't terribly solemn, really, but it was nice to just be with people. And nice to see the kids running around "playing with fire", just being kids. A little bit of normalcy at a scary time.

We played Pictionary and a charades sort of game until nearly 1am. Lots of laughing and fun. It was nice to forget about things for a while.

On Saturday morning, Stacey and I ran a few errands and daydreamed of how nice it would be, when I move, for us to be able to meet for lunch, or to grocery shop together, or to get together to cook dinner in a group, the four of us. I'm really looking forward to being close to family again.

One of errands involved stopping in at a kind of rec center that was located in a building that was built in the early 20th century, I think. The building was beautiful, even though it was a little crumbly. Aesthetically pleasing architecture, big windows, mahogany panels on the walls in the main hall. Huge old trees on the grounds.

It sounds silly, maybe, but this kind of building gives me an immense amount of pleasure. Just being in it, and looking at it. It makes me happy in a way that my own brand-new house -- which I appreciate intellectually for its excellent use of space -- just doesn't. And I felt really excited to think that in the next six months, I might find myself living in a place where buildings like this are everywhere. I can't think of any kind of place that would make me happier. I've lived in the inner, middle, and near-rural suburbs, I've lived in a small city, and nothing is more exciting to me just in its mere existence than these densely-populated places with history to them.

I got the same feeling when we headed into Center City. We got off at Broad Street and went around City Hall and I was just ecstatic at the tall buildings, every one different from the other, and the play of light and shadow. I was charmed by the sheer numbers of people on the streets, of all different colors and sizes.

We were staying at the Holiday Inn at Independence Mall. We were both extremely tired, after days of poor sleep, and I was also hungry and feeling like I was going to get hysterical if I didn't rest. Rather than going exploring, we checked in early -- taking two double beds rather than waiting for the king we were reserved for -- got lunch (cheese steak for me! woo!) from the Italian restaurant on the corner, and then took a NAP.

After lunch we explored Society Hill, Bella Vista, Queen Village, and Rittenhouse Square. Society Hill was too prissy, and the next two too borderline, but I fell madly in love with Rittenhouse Square. Loved it. The houses are fabulous, there are trees and it's sandwiched between Broad, Market, and South Streets so you're never very far from shops and activity. I don't know if it's a place I could live for an extended period of time, but I'd like to try it.

Poindexter was feeling a little overwhelmed. "Shell-shocked", was how it put it. It'll be quite a big leap from where we are now, I think.

More tomorrow...

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